NEW YORK, NY — The sweepstakes to land free agent Juan Soto came to a surprising end, as the star outfielder decided to retire from professional baseball and play for the New York Mets instead.
Soto explained his decision to the press, noting that though playing professional baseball had been his lifelong dream, the opportunity to sign a 15-year contract for $765 million to enjoy a quiet retirement playing baseball recreationally for an amateur team like the Mets was too attractive to pass up.
“I can now live comfortably while playing inconsequential games no one will watch or care about,” Soto explained. “I am grateful for the career I had, but playing for the Mets will be a lot more laid back than dealing with the intense pressure of playing for a professional team.”
Soto’s decision reportedly left baseball fans dejected, as they would now have to watch the Mets play if they wanted to catch a glimpse of Soto.
“It’s heartbreaking to see a great player leave the major leagues at such a young age,” said baseball fan Chad Gleiser. “It seemed like he had so much ahead of him. We all wish him all the best of luck in the future since it’s unlikely that he’ll ever be heard from again. He will be missed.”
At publishing time, baseball analysts agreed that, despite the Mets not being a professional baseball team, they would still be heavily favored in any games against the Chicago White Sox.
Check out the new, improved, more inclusive D&D.
