WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris was heard questioning the voting process early Tuesday, reportedly confused as to why she needs to get any votes to be elected president.
“I don’t get it,” said Harris. “I became Vice President without receiving any votes, and then I became the nominee without receiving any votes… Why do we suddenly need these ‘vote’ things? This makes no sense.”
According to sources within the Harris campaign, the vice president had the entire electoral process explained to her but she still couldn’t grasp it. She kept asking who these people were with voting power and how she could stop them.
“Maybe I can just seize power? Can I just be declared President? That’s a thing, right?” she asked Campaign Manager Julie Rodriguez. “Trump keeps calling me a Marxist. What did Mark do? Sounds like he provoked a revolution and seized the means of production or something. Can’t we just do that?”
Rodriguez explained that the electoral process for the presidency involves a count of the popular vote in each state, which is then converted into a balanced count through the electoral college which is designed to give states an equal weight based on population so that states with a large population like California won’t control the entire country with their votes. But that didn’t make any sense to the vice president.
“So the electoral college is not a university? Why is it called a college? This is so weird!” Kamala said. “Why do I need the Electoral College to vote for me? This whole ‘voting’ idea seems unnecessarily complicated.”
At publishing time, Kamala Harris, still confused by the process, voted for Joe Biden.
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