U.S. — Millions of gamers are discovering a new life hack where you can avoid wokeness in video games simply by playing Ninja Golf for the Atari 7800 and nothing else.
The innovative idea was first discovered by LonelyGuy69, a Twitch user tired of all the identity politics entering his hobby. He turned to 1990’s Ninja Golf to cleanse the pallet and hasn’t looked back since.
“Why would I play a modern video game when Ninja Golf has everything a person needs?” LonelyGuy69 said during a 24-hour live stream of the title. “There are no pronouns anywhere in this game. Plus, it has ninjas, golf, and cultural appropriation. This is so based!”
Sources say the life hack has become so popular that Atari has reemerged on the gaming scene as an industry leader, releasing the Atari 7800 as the Atari 7800+, along with brand new copies of Ninja Golf for purchase.
“Take that snowflakes!!!” said one Atari gamer on X, formerly Twitter. “I’m about to kick my way through nine holes of nonstop ninja-packed action!”
“And no pronouns or weirdly unattractive women to be found! Neat!”
Experts concur that playing Ninja Golf is the only definitive way to avoid wokeness in video games, because even the seemingly innocent Mario has been accused of being a democratic socialist, and Peach is often portrayed as a strong, independent woman. Ninja Golf remains the only gaming space completely free of woke influence.
At publishing time, Atari opted to jump on its newfound success by launching a brand-new console called the Atari Giga-Chad, with a sequel to Ninja Golf being its flagship title.
Check out the new, improved, more inclusive D&D.
