WORCESTER, MA — A golden age has come to a local men’s group chat after bylaws were officially adopted which ban exclamation points and heart emojis, among other overused emoticons.
In addition to confirming the authorized members of the group chat and rules for adding a new member, the bylaws indicate that communication should be self-sufficient without the use of emojis to elevate it.
“Henceforth, all texts shall be straightforward and to the point, either asking a question or answering a question without flourish,” the bylaws declare. “If a text needs emoticons or exclamation points to propel it into significance, it was never worth texting in the first place.”
Members of the group text are given three strikes before being banned. According to sources, this particular bylaw is unofficially known as the “Jeremy Rule” in reference to their mutual friend Jeremy who got on everyone’s nerves.
“He wouldn’t stop texting, and there were exclamation points after everything,” said Darren Bailey, the creator of the group text. “It was disgusting. Have some dignity, man.”
At publishing time, Jeremy had been kicked out for brazenly violating the bylaws by using a smiley face with rosy cheeks.
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
