U.S. — To the delight of millions, President-Elect Trump has announced that future FBI Director Kash Patel and DOGE co-leader Vivek Ramaswamy will celebrate the inauguration with an epic Bollywood ceremony.
“Vivek and Kash will crush the Deep State, but before that, they will perform the most special and incredible Indian dance the world has ever seen,” said Trump to cheering fans. “There will be eagles and tigers and elephants and dancing women, and they will even make that cool dance move where it looks like they’re trying to screw in a lightbulb. It will be almost as cool as my dance moves, but not quite, let’s be honest.”
Patel and Ramaswamy seemed caught off guard by the announcement. “I’m an American from Ohio,” said Ramaswamy. “I know the Electric Slide and Cotton Eye Joe. I’m not even that good at dancing. There must be some mistake.”
Sources within the administration say they will pull out all the stops to make this event one to remember. “We’re going to have them dance to the tune of such classic Bollywood hits as ‘Chaiyya Chaiyya’ and ‘Ae Dil Hai Muskil’ while elephants descend upon the National Mall under the rain of confetti fired from a thousand cannons,” said the source. “There will be so many explosions, and we’ll get to see Kash Patel break out the mesmerizing dance moves of his native land.”
“Seriously, guys, I’m from New York,” said Patel. “I can’t dance to save my life. Please don’t make me do this.”
Trump has confirmed the pair have set aside their duties as part of Trump’s transition team to devote all of their attention to what is sure to be the Bollywood ceremony to end all Bollywood ceremonies.
At publishing time, the Trump transition team had also recruited JD Vance’s wife for the performance.
There’s lots to be thankful for, libs!
