MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin told the international press this week he no longer wanted to occupy Ukraine now that it “has all these holes in it.”
Putin spoke through a translator and told the press he no longer wanted a country so riddled with explosions and bullet holes and told Ukraine to get their stuff together and maybe start making some repairs.
“I no longer want to occupy this country with all its giant holes in the terrain. What a mess!” Putin said. “Who did this, anyway? You guys should really take better care of your country or someone is going to come here and try to take it on the cheap. Dos vidaniya, losers.”
Putin said he’s been interested in occupying Ukraine ever since he tried to occupy Ukraine three years ago. But now he says he’s not so sure it’s in the shape he’d like it to be in to annex it and make it part of Russia.
“I wish you guys would take better care of your stuff,” Putin told the Ukrainian people. “Look at beautiful Russia! No holes here!”
At publishing time, Putin said he also isn’t interested in occupying the U.S. and that the only reason he hasn’t invaded is because he just doesn’t have the energy for it right now.
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