PALM BEACH, FL — Inside sources said President-elect Donald Trump drew a hard line in the sand during a dinner meeting last week with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, as witnesses reported overhearing Trump telling Trudeau that the U.S. would refrain from annexing Canada if they would admit that their “bacon” is just weird, gross ham.
The offer came during a tense trade tariff discussion while Trudeau visited Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort home last week, with Trump offering a compromise in which the U.S. would avoid adding Canada as its 51st state if Trudeau would issue a public statement revealing the true nature of Canadian bacon.
“I’ll cut you a deal, Little Fidel,” Trump was reportedly overheard saying. “It would be very easy for us to just absorb Canada. The maple syrup is wonderful. Everyone loves it. And all of the trees. So many trees. We could do very well with Canada, better than anyone has ever done, believe me. But I’m willing to hold off on annexing you if you’re willing to drop this talk about Canadian ‘bacon.’ It’s not bacon, Fidel. Never has been. It’s ridiculous. Nothing like bacon at all. It’s fake news.”
Sources present at the dinner said Trudeau was uneasy with the proposition. “He definitely seemed hesitant,” one witness said. “He didn’t want to have his country annexed by the U.S., but you could tell he wasn’t willing to blow the lid on the Canadian bacon charade.”
At publishing time, negotiations between Trump and Trudeau had reportedly hit additional snags after Trump notified Trudeau that poutine was an unacceptable way to eat french fries.
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