WASHINGTON, D.C. — Alejandro Mayorkas recently fell under suspicion of using Jedi mind tricks after the Secretary of Homeland Security started desperately waving his hands around while claiming that the Biden-Harris administration has not intentionally allowed millions of illegals to cross the US border to vote.
According to several journalists, Mayorkas was fielding questions in a press conference when someone asked him whether or not it was true that millions upon millions of illegal Kamala voters are currently streaming across the southern border in preparation for Election Day.
“He started chanting the phrase ‘not intentionally — but no humans are ever illegal’ over and over again,” said Jackson Quimby, a reporter. “And then he started waving his hands. I began to realize that these weren’t the illegal immigrant voters I was looking for, so I waved him along and asked a different question. I felt a bit woozy afterward, but I usually just chalk that up to his cologne. It can make the newsroom a bit…pungent.”
Mayorkas was unavailable for comment.
At publishing time, it was confirmed that every mainstream media reporter had been placed under Mayorkas’ Jedi mind trick and was tragically unable to escape.
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