WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that surprised both Trump insiders and everyone else in the nation, the president-elect announced today his pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Megadeth founder and frontman Dave Mustaine.
Trump announced the nomination at a press conference Wednesday flanked by the heavy metal guitarist himself.
“What can I say — he rocks,” shrugged Trump as he flashed the sign of the horns. “Fantastic work on the fretboard, that classic Mustaine growl. Fun lyrics, but also deep at times. We all love him. Everyone loves Dave. Much better than his old band, Metallica – they should never have let him go. Huge mistake. Very sad. James Hetfield probably voted for Kamala, let’s be honest.”
A nonplussed Mustaine accepted the nomination: “Uh, yeah, I guess. Whatever,” he said, shrugging. “Urban development sounds dope. That actually might make a good album name. Yeah, Urban Development. Right on. It’ll be about nuclear bombs or, like, how war is bad. Man, it’ll be awesome.” Mustaine added that while many have questioned his qualifications, he wrote the greatest heavy metal album of all time, Rust in Peace. “Look,” he chuckled, “if I can shred that solo on ‘Holy Wars,’ I think I can handle something small like ‘the housing demands of an entire nation.'”
At publishing time, Trump had asked Mustaine if he could “cut that mangy hair” and “put on something classy, like a suit or at least a collared shirt.”
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