A Reddit user who is disgruntled about being invited to take his mother out to lunch and then asked to split the check evenly with his sisters and their children should consider the occasion before involving himself in a potentially awkward situation, an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital.
Reddit user “taenuts” recently shared his thoughts about a family lunch outing in a post on the “Am I the A–hole” advice forum.
The man, who said he’s in his 20s, explained that he has two older sisters, both in their 30s, who suggested inviting their mother out for lunch and “splitting the expenses” three ways.
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“Both of them have 2 kids each while I don’t,” the man wrote.
When “taenuts” told his sisters he wasn’t keen on the idea after previous outings in which “the kids were not contemplated in the bill but still would eat,” they “did not like it” and accused him of being “confrontational.”
A man on Reddit (not pictured) was accused of being “confrontational” when he told his sisters (also not pictured) that he didn’t think he should have to pay for their children when splitting the check at a lunch outing. (iStock)
The man then said his mom found out “and took their side.”
“To give you some more context as to why it bothers me: A similar experience happened before during a trip where I had to pay a third of all the expenses” for a family outing that included a sister’s husband and her kids, “taenuts” wrote.
“[One sister] thought my mom and I were oblivious about the whole thing, but my mom begged me not to say anything [and] not start a fight, but now I think I’ve held my silence for long [enough].”
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On the forum, “taenuts” asked others if he was wrong for “wanting the bill to be split differently considering I don’t have kids and I’m only paying for my share and my mom’s.”
Jacqueline Whitmore, a Florida-based etiquette expert, told Fox News Digital that it is common for adult siblings to split the cost of a meal for a parent if it’s a special occasion such as Mother’s Day, as the man on Reddit referenced.
“This could be split evenly among the three siblings,” she said. “The siblings with children should incur the cost of their own family since there are more people involved.”
“The siblings with children should incur the cost of their own family since there are more people involved,” said an etiquette expert (not pictured). (iStock)
Another fair approach, Whitmore suggested, “would be to consider who ordered what.”
She added, “Since your siblings are bringing their children, it makes sense for them to cover the cost of their kids’ meals.”
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“As an alternative, you could also suggest covering your bill and the full cost of your mom’s bill,” Whitmore added.
The man is not “obligated” to “join a group outing that doesn’t work” for him.
“The siblings would split the remaining portion of the bill (including the cost of their kids’ meals) among the adults, either equally or based on individual orders. The fact that you covered the cost of your mom’s meal should be basis enough to keep the peace.”
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Many Reddit users suggested that “taenuts” consider dining without his sisters in the future.
“You are [not the a–hole] but you need to stop dining and traveling with them,” user “EmceeSuzy” wrote.
“Take your mother to a special brunch or painting class or some other nice treat … If she will not agree to go with you for a solo outing, that is her choice. It does not obligate you to join a group outing that doesn’t work for you.”
Many Reddit users said if the man’s sisters can’t understand his concerns, he should reconsider going out to eat with them in the future. (iStock)
Reddit user “One-Employee9235” suggested a more aggressive approach.
“I’m practical and petty, so I would take cash with me and pay only what I ordered plus a third of the mother’s meal,” the commenter wrote.
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“Then a kiss for mom and leave. Others have suggested taking mom out alone. That solves the immediate problem but not the larger one — why the entire family, including mom, keeps taking advantage of [him].”
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Fox News Digital reached out to “teanuts” seeking additional comment.
Whitmore said it’s always best to discuss the bill in advance.
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“You might say something like, ‘How about we all chip in for mom’s meal, and then we each cover our own families’ meals?’ If this proposal is not acceptable to everyone, then take mom out by yourself to avoid any awkward confrontations,” she suggested.
Peter Burke is a lifestyle editor with Fox News Digital.
