NEW YORK, NY — Fear spread rapidly at today’s session of the General Assembly as, in a tense moment, the Iranian president addressed the United Nations while holding a thermal detonator.
Masoud Pezeshkian took to the podium on Wednesday, just a day after U.S. President Donald Trump publicly referred to the Iranian regime as terrorists, defiantly denying Trump’s claims and demanding that his audience give him their full attention by producing a thermal detonator and holding the explosive device up for all to see.
“Eyah-tay, eyah-tay. Yo-toe,” Pezeshkian said in what experts speculated was an obscure Persian dialect, as he prepared to begin his address. He warned the assembly to show him the respect he deserved, despite protests from some of the delegates.
“The honorable delegate from the United States asks why he must show respect,” a translator pressed before relaying Pezeshkian’s response. “BECAUSE HE’S HOLDING A THERMAL DETONATOR!”
Chaos erupted in the auditorium before Pezeshkian brought them all to a hushed silence. “Now, I shall speak,” he said before launching into a tirade against the United States, Israel, and the West.
The remainder of Pezeshkian’s address reportedly took place without incident, as the assembly was fearful that the man who was vehemently railing against being called a terrorist might engage in an act of terrorism.
At publishing time, the president of the General Assembly warned that any delegates who further disrupted proceedings would be taken to the Pit of Carkoon and thrown to the Sarlaac.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn’t doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee’s Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
