U.S. — All of the technology in the entire United States has failed within 48 hours of firing just one Asian guy.
Jensen Huang was removed from his tech role on Thursday, leading to massive nationwide email network outages within minutes. By the next day, all telecommunications had gone down and every flight in the country had been canceled.
“Oof. Really shouldn’t have let that one Asian guy go,” said local man Greg Hensley, surveying the departure board at the airport. “Our business can’t function because of network outages, I can’t send an email, and I’m stuck in some Ohio airport because the radios don’t even work. This got out of hand fast.”
According to sources, government officials are working feverishly to see if any white guys could fix the issues, but to no avail. “If we don’t get an Asian back, we’ll all be Amish within a few days,” said a government spokesperson. “That’s our bad. I hope the nation learned its lesson.”
At publishing time, a bipartisan congressional task force had proposed turning the country off and back on again.
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