LEE’S SUMMIT, MO — Traveling to and from work followed its standard pattern this morning, as a local dad once again split his commute between worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ and cursing out bad drivers.
Witnesses said Jeff West, a project manager at a local company and also an elder at his church, was on his way to work Wednesday morning and going through his normal routine of alternating between singing along with worship music and loudly shouting imprecatory exclamations at nearby drivers as he drove through traffic.
“Come thou fount of every blessing — OH, COME ON, MAN!” West was heard shouting with his window rolled down. “WHERE’D YOU LEARN TO DRIVE, PAL? ARE YOU BLIND? Argh… Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above, praise the mount — ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT THE #$%& ARE YOU EVEN DOING, MAN?!”
West, who reportedly also leads worship once a month at church, later confirmed that this is his regular practice. “Yeah, it’s pretty much the same thing every day,” he said. “There’s nothing I love more than lifting up the name of my Lord and Savior as I fight traffic on my way to and from work every day. I also love hurling vile curses at my fellow drivers whenever they commit even the slightest infractions, so I try very hard to get an even split between the two.”
At publishing time, West had reportedly made up for his outbursts of profanity by uttering a quick prayer for the drivers who offended him on his way to work.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni’s visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he’s about to become a dad.


