U.S. — Teenagers across the nation are discovering a hip new alternative to vaping, called “smoking cigarettes.”
Thousands of youngsters are beginning to ditch their vape pens for packs of Marlboro, attracted by the more sophisticated look and flavor of real cigarettes.
“These are such a cool invention,” said local teenager Hayden Bennett, lighting up a loosie. “It looks way more hardcore than a dumb pen. Strawberry-flavored junk is so lame.”
Sales of cigarettes have spiked, partly spurred by increased concern of the health risks of vaping. “I heard vaping could cause throat and lung cancer. I’m going to try to wean myself off using cigarettes. It seems like a much more natural alternative.”
At publishing time, teenagers had reportedly discovered a cool new alternative to delta-8 gummies called “alcohol.”
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