ROCKFORD, IL — Local man Curt Jennings said he was carefully holding off on forming any opinions about a new movie until political commentators informed him whether it is woke or epically based.
Jennings steadfastly refused to even watch the trailer of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey until his preferred online personalities issued a definitive ruling on the film.
“Some of my friends are all saying it’s good, but is it based?” said Jennings. “What if I enjoyed the movie, only to later discover that it is not based? What if it is, in fact, woke? Can you imagine? I, for one, am not willing to take that risk.”
Jennings adopted his current movie policy after he publicly panned the latest Toy Story installment, only for political commentators to inform him that the movie was “super based.”
“I don’t think Curt has recovered from that still,” said friend Donna Maggert. “I knew he loved Project Hail Mary, but he absolutely refused to talk about it until it was confirmed as based. He won’t be burned again.”
At publishing time, Jennings had foolishly let slip how much he loved reading Homer’s literary classic The Odyssey, only to be quickly told that the entire story is woke garbage.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
