SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Darren Mitchell set his email “out-of-office” reply to alert people that he would be on vacation in Hyrule for the foreseeable future.
Mitchell informed coworkers that he would be gone for approximately seven years, though he would intermittently return to the present day.
“I emailed Darren for an update on our accounts receivable, but the reply just says ‘Gone to Lon Lon Ranch,'” said coworker Becky Reese. “I have no clue what that means. I checked his Facebook page to see where he is, but it just said ‘FOUND THE SUPER CUCCOS!'”
Mitchell reportedly left work last Thursday, telling his boss that he’d be heading for the eastern portion of Hyrule, specifically Kokiri Forest. “I’ll be there for a bit, as Mido will be guarding the exit to the rest of Hyrule,” explained Mitchell. “Ugh, Mido. He’s so rude. But time softens him, as it does to all of us. Anyway, from there I’ll be traveling all across Hyrule, from Death Mountain to Zora’s Domain. I’ll be pretty unreachable at times, like when I’m inside the big fish, Lord Jabu Jabu. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. So much depends on how much I remember about the Water Temple. And frankly, the Forest Temple as well. People don’t talk about it enough, but that last key can be really tricky. You know what I mean.”
“Uh… okay, Darren. Keep us posted, I guess,” responded Mitchell’s boss.
At publishing time, Mitchell had updated his away status to read “Dancing with Darunia 🔥🔥🔥”
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