WASHINGTON, D.C. — Witnesses were reportedly shocked to see a common sparrow chattering away on a tree branch, seemingly unconcerned that Republicans had lost both the House and Senate.
The tiny bird surprised onlookers at the National Mall on Tuesday when, instead of screaming in agony, it went about its normal daily routine. In fact, despite the fears of many that the nation lay at the precipice of total collapse and would soon become embroiled in a second civil war, the sparrow acted like nothing was at all the matter.
The house sparrow first caught the attention of a local group of bird watchers out birding in the early hours of the morning.
“What’s his problem?” asked Haley Jones as she watched it through her binoculars. “Doesn’t he know life as we know it is over?”
“Look, it neither sows nor reaps,” pointed out Patrick Laramie, another birder. “Is it stupid?”
To make matters worse, the house sparrow at one point let out a mating call in a bid to attract a mate, as if this was a time to settle down and have offspring.
Avian experts were reportedly just as baffled by the sparrow’s behavior. “Birds need to be more concerned with geopolitics,” noted ornithologist Dr. Derrick Lierz. “Get your heads in the game, sparrows.”
At publishing time, the sparrow began building a nest, eager to provide for its mate as if the price of gas were no issue whatsoever.
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