DULUTH, MN — Congresswoman Ilhan Omar narrowly evaded capture by authorities on Thursday as she was seen escaping aboard a Somali pirate ship docked in Lake Superior, shouting, “You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Ilhan Omar!”
Omar, who is currently under investigation for immigration fraud, reportedly abandoned any hope of building a legal defense to instead return to a life gallivanting across the seven seas, raiding, pillaging, plundering, and pilfering her way to adventure.
“Avast, ye sea dogs! We sail for international waters! I have me brothers to marry!” witnesses claimed to have heard her shout just before the ship disappeared over the horizon.
According to sources, Omar was asked by ICE agents to come in for questioning, but she instead gave them the slip and made her way to the open sea. A ship known as The Forbidden Love was waiting for her, manned by a tough Somali crew that included Abduwali Muse, who had once hijacked a ship under the command of Captain Phillips.
Once aboard, there was no stopping her. According to dockworkers, there’s no ship faster than The Forbidden Love, nor quite so slippery.
“Aye, it be a ghost ship crewed by skeletons, which be how Somalis look,” said Jason Kent, a local fisherman. “There’s no catching it because it sails with the wind! As all sailing ships do, I reckon.”
At publishing time, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar was last spotted in the Caribbean near the isle of Tortuga, looking for clues to a vast buried treasure to impress her brother with.
Babylon Bee subscriber SLinky PD contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
