SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom came out in support of Alaska senate candidate Mary Peltola, saying Democrats would never intentionally subvert the election process and also he had legally changed his name to Donald J. Trump.
“Unlike Donald J. Trump, Democrats don’t try to undermine the integrity of our democracy by subverting the election process,” Newsom said. “And by the way, I have changed my name to Donald J. Trump. It’s a new me, for a new era.”
According to “Mr. Trump”, he just felt like it was time for a change. “Look, my tenure as California Governor is almost over. It’s time for a new chapter — and a new name to go with it,” he said.
When asked why he chose the name Donald J. Trump, he replied, “No reason.”
Republicans pounced on the man formerly known as Gavin Newsom, accusing the governor of trying to confuse the American people. “We all know what this is really about: the presidency,” said Vice President JD Vance. “Well, I have news for Donald J. Trump. I already called dibs and that’s binding in court.”
Trump hit back: “This isn’t a case of Stella getting her groove back,” he said. “This is my life. He’s trying to steal my life, believe me. What a snake.” To which Trump retorted that Trump has Trump Derangement Syndrome.
“I don’t know what the big deal is,” said Trump. “It’s a completely different name. He’s Donald John Trump and I’m Donald Jason Trump. Completely different.”
At publishing time, to even things out, Donald Trump changed his name to Gavin Newscum.
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