NEW YORK, NY — In a courageous act to promote racial equity in America, New York Times contributor Nikole Hannah-Jones abandoned her young daughter at well-known crack house.
Jones explained that while there were other options of places to put her daughter besides a crack house, not all black Americans have access to non-crack houses. Thus, Jones bravely decided to fight against such a state of inequity by dropping her 7-year-old daughter at a crack house and driving away.
“Alright, Mommy is out of here. Good luck dodging the violent coke heads, sweetheart!” called Jones as she hopped into her BMW and drove off. “Wow, I’m so proud of how I fixed America by leaving my little girl at a drug house. Most parents would never push their daughter into the arms of an armed felon completely jacked on blow, but they don’t care about racial inequality like I do.”
While coworkers applauded Jones’ courage, a few neighbors questioned her decision. “I guess I’m just not sure how putting a little girl in a dope den is going to help black people,” said neighbor Amy Barnett. “It’s an interesting strategy, but I don’t quite see the play here. I’m struggling to make the connection.”
At publishing time, Jones’ daughter had become further confused at her role after realizing that half the addicts in the crack house were white.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn’t doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee’s Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
